EPISODE #11
Hey Friend! I’ve got a question for you…Are you too focused on getting pregnant? I say that with so much love and zero judgment, because I’ve totally been there! I was completely obsessed with getting pregnant during our fertility journey.
If you can relate, then you’re in the right place. Let’s dive into why solely focusing on the outcome of getting pregnant may be problematic and even keeping you further from your desire.
Listen to the Full Episode Here
How I Was Too Focused on Getting Pregnant
As I mentioned, I was way too focused on getting pregnant during my fertility journey. If you know my story, you know that I was completely obsessed with getting pregnant for the first part of our fertility journey. It was all I could think about. My thoughts were completely consumed by my cycle, my nutrition, my fertility, and all I thought about was whether or not I’d get pregnant this time or not.
This eventually led to my personal rock bottom because my emotions were entirely dependent on whether or not I got pregnant. During my two week wait, I’d stress out about what I should be eating or drinking in case I was pregnant. I’d stress out about every little thing and put so much pressure on myself to be absolutely perfect.
Once my period came I would completely break down in tears. My period would dictate my mood and how I was feeling. I’d be depressed, sad, and resentful the whole time and I’d just keep thinking here we go again, one more chance to get pregnant and it was taken away from me. I was angry. I was frustrated. I was empty and grieving the life I dreamt of as a mom.
Deep down I hated feeling this way and desired to return back to my old self. I wanted to feel hopeful again and happy about what’s to come. I knew there had to be a better way, because continuing on with life as it was, would be unbearable.
That’s when I made the decision that it was time to write my story from a different angle. One that was based on joy, peace, and empowerment. Not the disempowering one of sadness, resentment and pain.
Instead…
I wanted to feel happy again and enjoy things in life, regardless of whether or not I got pregnant.
I wanted to feel hope and believe in myself and my body’s ability to get pregnant.
I wanted to feel confident about the decisions I was making along the way and truly understand how my body works.
So when I asked myself the question, “Are you too focused on getting pregnant?” My answer was a resounding yes. Can you relate? If that’s you too, then I want to share more about why this level of thinking isn’t healthy and how it may actually be negatively impacting your fertility.
How to Redefine What Success Looks Like
First up, when you’re solely focused on the outcome, it can be so easy to feel letdown during your journey. This is because your mood, happiness, and actions are all dictated by whether or not you get pregnant this cycle. This leads to feeling like a failure when you don’t end up getting pregnant. You start to think that something’s wrong with you. That you are broken.
This is not true though, so please know that you are not broken and there is nothing to fix.
So what can you do instead? Well, instead of measuring your “success” as getting pregnant. Start to track your progress instead. Even though you got your period this month, did you have less spotting beforehand?
That’s a win, so celebrate that!!
Maybe you took time to schedule in more self care this cycle and felt less stressed overall. That’s worth acknowledging too! Everyone’s journey is so unique and the timing is different for everyone. Start to add up these small wins and feel gratitude for how far you’ve come and how you will continue to learn on this journey.
How to Find Happiness and Fulfillment Outside of Pregnancy
Another reason why solely focusing on the outcome of getting pregnant can be harmful, is because it means that your happiness is directly tied to your ability to get pregnant. That essentially means that if you don’t get pregnant, you can never be truly happy and to be honest, that’s putting A LOT of pressure on our future baby.
If they are the sole source of your happiness, they may feel like they can never let you down or disappoint you.
“As mothers, we have to be able to be our own source of happiness and fulfillment and not allow our children to carry that burden.”
So instead, consider reflecting more deeply as to why your happiness is so intricately linked to your ability to get pregnant and become a mom. What is currently missing from your life that you are hoping becoming a mom will fill? How can you fill in those holes and those gaps now, outside of having a baby.
I know for me, I truly felt like I couldn’t be happy unless I was pregnant. When I shifted my perspective to zoom out a bit, I asked myself the tough question of what I would do if I never got pregnant? What if I never had a baby, would I be completely unhappy in life? For me, the truth was no. Although I deeply desired to become a mother, if that wasn’t in the cards for me, I knew that there were still other things in life to live for and to be grateful for.
So I encourage you to ask yourself this really tough question and play out that worst case scenario. I promise that on the other side of it, you’ll uncover hidden strength you didn’t realize you had. Let that strength carry you forward throughout the rest of your journey.
Discover What You’re Meant to Learn in this Season
When your only focus is on getting pregnant and it doesn’t happen, it can feel like God and the universe is conspiring against you. You feel betrayed by your body, you regret your past and question whether you waited too long to start trying. It’s easy to slip into a victim mentality and feel like this is all happening to you. Maybe you even feel like you’re being punished for some reason.
I want to reassure you that this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Consider this reframe—instead of thinking “why is this happening to me?,” ask yourself, “how can this be happening for me?”
“What am I meant to uncover and learn during this journey?”
I believe that if you are experiencing fertility challenges, it’s happening for a reason and it’s a gift for you. A gift in the form of a wake up call to help you identify areas in your life that may be out of alignment with your destiny and purpose. It may even be a call to focus on greater healing, whether that’s physical or emotional. Take some time to ask why this is happening for you and trust what comes up.
Conscious Conception: Slowing Down to Speed Up
One other thing that happens when we focus primarily on the outcome of getting pregnant, is that we end up rushing through the process. When we try something and don’t get pregnant that cycle, we automatically assume it’s not working and we move onto something else. We do more, and then more, and then more while we try to solve the problem. When we do this, we never really give the first solution time to see if it worked or not.
The thing is that hormonal balance, and healing both physically and emotionally takes time. If you make changes to your lifestyle now, you may not see changes immediately. Some of these things take time, intention, and consistency.
Even if it’s been years, you may feel like your only options are IUI or IVF, when in reality the missing piece could be much more simple if we take the time to tune into our intuition and what our body truly needs. We automatically assume something must be wrong with us, so we rush into the next decision without really thinking it through.
So instead, it’s almost like you need to slow down to speed up. When was the last time you took a pause? Have you had a cycle or two or three, where you just focused on yourself and meeting your needs, without the expectation of getting pregnant?
Sometimes when we take a break and step away from the problem, we come back to it with greater clarity and with creative solutions we haven’t thought of before. This is where the concept of conscious conception comes in.
Conscious conception is really beautiful, because to me it means taking the time to become the best possible version of yourself before conceiving, so that you can be the best possible mother to your future child. It takes patience, grace, intention, and self-confidence to prepare your mind, body, and soul before pregnancy.
It’s about clearing out the mental clutter to make space for your baby. It’s about nourishing your body to ensure your baby has the best possible chance of being strong and healthy. It’s about preparing your body to be a peaceful home for your baby during pregnancy. It’s about being a mindful and intentional mother. To me, it’s a deep expression of unconditional love and it’s the most impactful thing you can do for you, your baby, your family, and generations to come.
If this sounds like something you’re craving on your fertility journey, then I’d love to share more about an upcoming opportunity I have for you. I created the Conscious Conception Collective for women who desire to slow down and be intentional about their fertility journey.
They trust in the timing of their life and know that it’s just a matter of time before they become a mother. In the meantime, they’re enjoying the journey and focus on celebrating the small wins.
They’re grateful for their body and believe in their ability to get pregnant naturally.
They’ve always done things differently in life, and the path to conceiving is no different.
They desire a safe space to be in community with other like minded women where we uplift, encourage, and empower one another.
These women are on the brink of a total breakthrough in their life and will raise world changers.
If you’re listening to this and thinking, yes, yes, yes, that is me, or I want that to be me, then I’d love to have you join us. The Collective will be opening up soon and you’re one of the first to hear about it. If you want to take advantage of special pre-pre sale pricing, then head on over to IG and DM me the word “Collective” and I’ll send you more details.
How This Journey is About More Than Just Getting Pregnant
I want to leave you with one last piece before we wrap up. It can be easy to think that getting pregnant is the main focus, but I encourage you to remember that it is so much more than that.
You’re on this journey for a reason and you’ve been given the gift of time to shape the future for both you and your future baby. By taking the time to focus on preparing your mind, body, and soul before getting pregnant it will help set them up for success and ensure they are the happiest and healthiest version of themselves they can be. Thank you to epigenetics!
But it also sets you up for success by helping you to have a healthier pregnancy and an easier birth. It doesn’t end there though, this intentional time of preparation will also help reduce your risk for postpartum depression and make your transition into motherhood that much easier.
Next Steps
So you see, this is why being too focused on getting pregnant can be detrimental. It keeps you from experiencing the true peace, joy, and empowerment that is fully possible on the fertility journey. Open up and unwrap this gift you’ve been given and trust that this is happening for you.
The desire to become a mother has been placed on your heart for a reason. It is meant for you and it is just a matter of time before it happens. If not this time, then next time. Trust that your baby is on their way to you. I believe in you my friend and am here if you need me.
If you’re looking for additional support on your fertility journey, be sure to download the Fertility Affirmations Meditation I created just for you. It’s completely FREE and will provide you with a sense of comfort all while helping to reignite your belief in your ability to get pregnant naturally.
